Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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