You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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