I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She's the barista slut.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
