omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
it's great music for shaving your balls
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
