Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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