butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
