if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
