My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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