My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
