so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
