I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
