Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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