there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
