Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
