Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
