Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
