I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
