Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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