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So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize