he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Every concussion has its silver lining
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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