Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
