How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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