The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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