Where is the hickey?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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