Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
