Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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