I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
