maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
