She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
