I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
