goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
