Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
