Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
if only i could text you this smell
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
