I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Oh god it's open bar.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
