He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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