I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
