The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
