ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
BRING THE BAGELS
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
