Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
