Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
