Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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