He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
