its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
