i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
