he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
