I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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