you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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