Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
