I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
