did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
