my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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