I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
