How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
