I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
