Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
