I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
