Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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