"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
