I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
